Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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