i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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