Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
