I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
