You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
