Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
