Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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