Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
