After last night, I could never be a politician.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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