I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize