You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
