I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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