I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
