Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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