We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
