i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
