Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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