im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
