It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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