If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
