dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
