I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I would fuck him just for his dog
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
