you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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