Redeem this text for a blowjob
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
