Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
