i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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