There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
