When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
