i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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