R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
