I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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