i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
