Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
