Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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