You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
