I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize