$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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