Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
