Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize