Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
