I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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