Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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