is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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