Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
