my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
