i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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