The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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