fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
