do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
