$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
