What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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