Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
