I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
