My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
