I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
