before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
