There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
