No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
