a queef is a wish your heart makes.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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