how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
