i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
