Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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