yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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