oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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