i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
