Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
