Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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