Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
