Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize