Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
