That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
