SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
