how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
