I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
