I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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