yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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