I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize