fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
