The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
